I am a new person!
In December 2005 I was diagnosed with breast cancer. I found the lump myself, with no other symptoms and was feeling well. I was numb, shocked and petrified all at the same time.
The turning point came when a leader from Living Waters was praying with me and I was filled with a peace that I didn't have before. From that point on, I felt a sense of peace that sometimes defied explanation. When I should have been anxious about my situation, I prayed, calmness would fill my soul and ultimately I would know that God was in control.
I sometimes wonder how we got through the Christmas holiday. Every time I felt myself wobble, the prayer for courage, strength, trust and peace would echo through my mind and these words emerged from within me over and over again like some soothing mantra - courage, strength, trust, peace. When we spoke to the children, we were able to do so in a calm way, answering their questions knowledgeably and assuring them that everything was going to be okay.
In January 2006 I had a lumpectomy. The plan was six months of chemotherapy followed by radiotherapy and then a mastectomy. As I started the chemotherapy I became astutely aware of the fact that life brings to us conditions and situations over which we have no control. The challenge is to resist giving up, or believing that we are the victim. I was determined that the chemo would do exactly what it had to do without any side effects. Apart from the hair loss I did not suffer from any major side effects - in fact I consistently surprised the doctors and nurses when they asked about mouth sores and sickness as I was able to say that I had not suffered any of these. As for the hair loss...it was a really low point for me.
I took the step of getting all my hair cut off, the thing I most dreaded, I met face on. God was with me in this personal crisis to offer me counsel and comfort. I realised that I was being transformed with inward characteristics that are nurturing, vital, life giving and speak of Jesus. My self-confidence is resting in who Jesus is in me with his characteristics rather than what I have made myself to look like on the exterior.
Then suddenly I was rushed to hospital and diagnosed with pneumonia and blood clots in my lungs. This felt like a cruel blow after managing to keep so well throughout my treatment. Thankfully I got better but there was concern about my lungs and a suggestion that the scans indicated that the cancer had spread to my lungs!
I refused to believe that this was the case and clung moment by moment to my understanding that my healing was a finished work and when Jesus hung on the cross he purchased my healing by his obedient act; I was healed then, 2000 years ago!
It was six months before I was able to read with my own eyes that the doctors were satisfied that the cancer had not spread to my lungs. I believe that this was a miracle brought about by all those who persistently prayed for me week in and week out. There is no other explanation.....my chemotherapy had finished so that could not have had any further effect.
With this wonderful news came the rather daunting news that my original plan should be reverted to and that meant a mastectomy. This took place in April 2007.
Since June 2007, I have lost weight, joined a gym and returned to work...and I have been signed off by two of my three consultants! It's true, those who experience cancer face a challenging time and walk daily forward with grace and strength, choosing to live our lives to the maximum. The dimension of life I now find myself living is deeper and richer than before. My love is greater, my character more sincere and my laugh is heartier. I am a new person.
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